Married by 30...

Today, I'm gonna address an amazingly common but ridiculous issue in American young professional culture, the idea that you MUST be married by 30. I believe that this concept may be developing into a worldwide epidemic! Every year thousands of women (and a rapidly increasing number of men) ruin perfectly good birthday parties, class reunions, and after work happy hours with their pining about the need to find marriage (read: love) by the big 3-0. Come on, you know them too. The "we ain't getting any younger" type. The one friend who constantly talks of what married life would be like and obsesses over it, despite the fact that it makes other people around the table uncomfortable. The folks who talk about life like a series of carefully calculated steps. Like marriage is the prize at the end of the game. One you win with good behavior, patience, and militaristic planning.

Come on, be honest, you know the ones. They have a checklist. Go to college. Check. Graduate from college. Check. "Have fun" for most of my early twenties. Check. Try to erase the myriad of mistakes that I made in my early twenties. Check. Have a young adult life crisis (circa 26 - 29). Check. Proceed to put all my expendable energy into trying to get married by 30. Incomplete. I mean, this issue may be one of the most serious cultural issues facing modern America.

So okay, let's address the skeptics first. Let it be known, this is not a argument against the institution of marriage. This is not an attack on the concept of marriage as an expression of love. It is not a diatribe of someone who fears marriage or who doesn't believe in love. Let me tell you. I believe in love. I am a stupid, over the top, fall in head first romantic who can't wait to spend the rest of his life with the woman he loves. I know what a good marriage looks like and my faith teaches me that it is a sacred institution to be respected and honored. So skeptics, this is NOT ABOUT MARRIAGE. This is about two generations of society that are growing up and navigating the treacherous scene of ".com" era dating without the proper prospective about marriage. It's about someone finally having the courage to say what only people over 65 are willing to about marriage in modern America. It's about addressing the piss poor modeling, educating, and coaching that parents in generations X and Y have done that is resulting in the married by 30 epidemic.

Married by 30. I really don't know how we got to a point in society where you were abnormal if you weren't married by 30. I'm living in a generation that believes to our core that marriage by 30 and a house in the suburbs are the ultimate aims of life. Women and men alike cave to ridiculous amounts of socio-cultural pressure associated with being "married" and living the dream. Its hogwash. The fact is, anyone born after 1970 has matured in a society that continues to change and redefine what is considered normal and appropriate. The lack of genuine and widely understood global threats and unifying national hardships or ideals allows modern adults to grown and mature at a more leisurely pace. The are no drafts, no widely recognized civil rights movements (unfortunately), no global wars (remember Iraq and Afghanistan are armed conflicts), so there is no need for modern adult to mature quickly. No need for forced social change. No need for unnatural maturity in youth. In short, because the modern generations have it so good--they do marriage really bad!

But what do we do. We model our lives after our parents. Relics of a bygone era. We say, " Mom and Dad were married at 24 so I'm gonna do the same thing!". In our haste, youth, and ignorance we forget to acknowledge the different social contexts of the times and the role that they played in what marriage represented at the time and what it is today.

Ahh, I see. So by now you're probably making some opinions. You're saying, he doesn't know a thing. So, I got one stat for you...about 50% of all American marriages end in divorce (Americans for Divorce Reform). But wait, lets dig deeper. Let's examine the data distributed by age range. Why you ask? Well, because my argument is predicated on the belief that the "married by 30" epidemic contributes to the high divorce rate because they weren't ready to marry before 30!

                                  Age at marriage for those who divorce in America

                                     (Forest Institute of Professional Psychology)

Age	Women	Men
Under 20 years old	27.6%	11.7%
20 to 24 years old	36.6%	38.8%
25 to 29 years old	16.4%	22.3%
30 to 34 years old	8.5%	11.6%
35 to 39 years old	5.1%	6.5%

Sooooo..I could drag this analysis out, but I think its pretty clear that the divorce rate is much, MUCH, lower for those who marry after thirty. I believe this is because adults after 30 are more mature, career secure, competent, and ready for the trials and tribulations of marriage.  The data speaks for itself. As you can see marriage is under attack, but not by me! By the married by 30 crew! It's a national epidemic and we must begin to develop programs that explain to the general public that its okay to be single in your twenties. It's okay to chase your dreams in your youth. Its okay to work on making your self the best man or woman you can be so that you can be a better husband or wife in the future.

We have to tell our children that they must first seek their own whole, before they can be someone else's better half. Think about it. That's all I'm saying, but I'm just talking out loud.